Friday, 26 April 2013

Totally messing with people heads

Men! That’s who!

Why do they do it? What is the reason behind it. I am talking about Hotel boy right now. He is just mean. I haven’t a clue what has gotten into him but he has decided for some reason that he just doesn’t like me. I don’t just mean in the non-fancying sense, I actually mean he doesn’t like me at all. He is really rude and a little bit insulting and I haven’t a clue why.

I genuinely haven’t done a thing to him and if I have he is in no hurry to tell me what. I tried to be jokey with him last night and he completely shut me down.

Well it is completely and totally his loss and not mine. I was lowering my game slightly with him anyway and no I don’t think all that about myself but anyone who I have told about him are really shocked that I went there.

Whatever, I will not let it ruin my weekend. I am off to a concert with Melissa and a couple of others tomorrow and I cannot wait!!

Have a great weekend all and remember “Appreciate everything, regret nothing. Even if your path leads you to a dead end, at least the journey will be worth remembering”


Tuesday, 23 April 2013

Time to take a break

What can I say about my weekend! Well I was bad. I was really bad.

I had sex and it wasn't with Mr FWB, well the first person I had sex with this weekend wasn't him! Yep that's right people I did it again. My inner tramp came out and once again I had sex with 2 different people in the space of 24 hours.

Ok let me explain this further. Saturday night myself and Melissa went out with some friends for some drinks in our local town. Ok by some I mean a lot however I am under no circumstances blaming alcohol for what happened next!

I have had my eye on someone for a little while and Saturday night I achieved my goal of sleeping with him! Hi five me. And this would have been fine had I not woke up the next morning feeling a sense of panic and thinking things were all wrong. This in turn forced me to message Mr FWB asking if I could go and see him later that day. Which I did!

I don't know what is wrong with me. It is like every time I do anything else with anyone else I feel like I have stepped out of line and the only way I can bring my life back on track is to run to Mr FWB! I suppose 2 years will do that to you.

Anyway I know I need to stop having sex with him and if that means for now I can't have sex with anyone else then so be it! Time to take a break.

I need to sort my mind out with living arrangements etc anyway so maybe not having the male distractions will be a good thing!

I hope everyone had a good weekend. Mine was actually really good besides the craziness!


Friday, 19 April 2013

Re-evaluating my life

So we didn’t get the house but now I am wondering if this is really a bad thing.

Did I really want to get tied into another 12 month contract which just meant putting my travelling plans on hold even more. Did I want to get into the arguments over bills, cleaning and what not. I am thinking that renting a room in a house would be a much better idea. At least then I am not really limited and if I hate it I can move. Plus when I have enough money saved I can jack it all in and head off to warmer climates.

However on the other hand I am thinking should I just grow up and settle down with a husband (if I can find one) and a house. I mean I am not getting any younger. The only problem with that is I just do not feel ready. Time is going by so fast and I need it to slow right down so I can enjoy it, doing what I want to and then when I am ready I can do the marriage and children. Unfortunately it doesn’t work like that L

God knows what is wrong with me right now. I suppose I am just coming to the end of my contract on my house and I have to make a fairly big decision about the next step which is confusing my brain.

Anyway it’s the weekend so I am going to enjoy that and not think too much about what is coming up. Hope everyone has a great one.


Tuesday, 16 April 2013

How things can change

Wow where to start. It has been a bit of a whirlwind of a time recently.

I am not sure if I mentioned but Melissa shall soon be leaving boo L and therefore we have to give up our house. Now for ages I was debating what I should do. Do I move back with the parents for the time being, do I find a room in a shared house or do I set up camp with a cardboard box.

Well none of the above have actually happened and it now looks like I am getting myself into another years contract with new roommates. A girl contacted me the other night asking if I fancied getting somewhere together. Well this has progressed very quickly to seeing a house today and searching for a 3rd roomie.

We want to take the house however we have to wait till the morning to find out if we have it. I think I remember asking you all to do this once before but pls keep your fingers crossed for us J

Other than that it has been a mixture of drinking with old friends, going to a Spa and not having sex. Something is wrong with that statement.

I need to sort that out. Where’s hotel boy when I need him! J

Anyway looks like the travel plans will be put on hold for the time being but most definitely not forgotten.


Thursday, 11 April 2013

Why do we only want them when they don’t want us?

I think this statement applies for both men and women as I have been on both sides. I have wanted someone when they have stopped showing me interest and I have been on the receiving end of someone’s attention when I have stopped talking to them (Mr FWB)

Why is this though? Does it come down to I don’t want you but I always want you to want me. Is it an ego thing? I honestly do not know, however it has happened recently with Hotel boy. He showed me interest so I lost it and then when I thought he was getting attention from someone else bam there I was trying to get back in the game.

As I sit here and write this I still genuinely do not know whether I like him or not. I suppose in my mind I think he should just stay around until I have decided. Not sure he will be up for that though.

I know I am not the only one who thinks like this as Melissa is having the exact same issue with her young man friend and I know a lot of other people have as well. Stupid brains. Why can’t we just decide hey I like him/her I am going to let them know and see where it goes rather than all this complication.

Anyway as it stands today is a non talking to Hotel boy day. Tomorrow however may be different J


Monday, 8 April 2013

I am just too good for him

A slightly big-headed statement I know, however I actually do believe this to be true J

Yesterday I realised this fact and of course we are talking about the famous Mr FWB. I am not sure what suddenly made me think this but I was looking in the mirror, the hair (freshly coloured) was looking good and sitting perfectly and the makeup was well applied and I thought, god I am great. Haha only kidding but I did look at myself and thought he should be proud to be with me. He should want to show me off to his friends and brag that he has a pretty girlfriend not hide me in his bedroom.

The best part is whilst I was looking back through old Facebook pictures of myself and thinking my god what a state thank the lord you did something with your hair, make up etc. I look at him and think the last 2 years have not been kind (maybe I have done that to him).

I honestly do not mean all this in a I love myself kind of way but when I was younger I would tell my Mum I wasn’t getting married as I would never find someone who loved me more than I loved myself. I think I lost that feeling for a bit however  yesterday I got it back and I feel great.

I have so much to look forward to over the next year and so many exciting opportunities I really do not need someone in my life who is going to make me feel anything less that 100%.

I know we have all heard me say I am going to quit him about a million times and this is probably not going to be any different however I don’t look at him anymore and think I would be lucky to be with him. Now it is the other way round and if he doesn’t see that then I genuinely believe that is his loss. J


Thursday, 4 April 2013

Crazy, stupid head

Sorry I haven't written sooner but work has been crazy with this new project I am on and I have been sat with someone watching my screen the whole time. Not ideal!

Anyway what has been happening?! Well we had the long weekend for Easter and I have to say I really wasn't feeling it. I sort of felt like I was just sat doing nothing and as the weather here is still rubbish so I couldn't even go out!

After Thursdays bad day Mr FWB invited me out to cheer me up. We just ended up going to one of his local pubs for some drinks and then back to his for…. well I probably don't need to explain that bit! Anyway it was a really nice night and once again my stupid head has been thrown into confusion about how I feel!

This leads me onto the rest of the weekend which saw me eating a lot of junk food and drinking far too much alcohol. Sunday night I went out with Melissa and that was a strange night. It wasn't good and it wasn't bad, just strange. Unfortunately half way through the night I realised my “thing” with Mr FWB had been going on for 2 years. 2 bloody years, I mean seriously. Who does that?

Monday was spent mostly feeling sorry for myself and thinking a lot about how I seem to have this inability to say no to him. I am still no clearer.

The rest of the week has been pretty much work with a little bit of random messaging with Hotel boy and a booty call (mine) with Mr FWB (I know I am stupid)

Anyway hope you all had great weekends and I promise not to leave it so long before I post next!